How to Pack for a Trip

In the weeks before your trip, think about how excited you are to pack. Feel motivated to pack. Tell yourself it’s way too early and would only inconvenience your life if you were to start packing now.

3 days prior to departure make a list of the days you’ll be away and the corresponding high/low temperatures predicted from the Weather Channel. List the activities you’re planning and the details of three outfits you’d like to bring with you. Lose interest.

2 days prior to departure acknowledge that if you want to look anything resembling human for your vacation you will need to do laundry. You’ll have the time, but decide to put it off.

1 day prior to departure gather every piece of dirty laundry in your world and bring it to the laundromat for wash and fold service. Watch the owner clap and giggle with glee when your order weighs in at 42#.

Run errands, retrieve laundry, cook yourself dinner. It may be dark out, but it’s only 5pm! You have so much time!

Make a batch of limnoncello while watching Gossip Girl and How I Met Your Mother. Slice your right index fingernail to shreds. Repair the nail (and guard your raw, exposed nail bed) with a patch made from a teabag and super glue. Decide to polish your nails with Essie’s Little Brown Dress. Nice save, bro. Nice save.

Feel helpless because your nails are wet and start to feel a vague sort of anxiety coming over you. Chatting with a friend online will help. So will some honey Jack on the rocks and a couple of episodes of the Joy the Baker podcast.

Decide that you really want to come back to a clean apartment, so you put away all (most of) the laundry you picked up this afternoon.

Commit to packing light and therefore being super organized and meticulous in your packing. Slow and steady.

Start a blog post.

Read Thought Catalogue. No, not just the new articles. Sift through articles from the summer, too.

Start piecing together the outfits you wrote on that sheet of paper two days ago. Realize you can’t find your black stretchy dress and become obsessed with the hunt. You planned on wearing it, you have the sweater to wear it with, and you really like the way your legs look in it when you’re wearing the heather gray tights you made sure to wash today and your ankle boots.

Decide you should charge/load your iPod Shuffle. The charger has gone missing, too. Be pissed and start obsessively looking for that in addition to your dress.

Start to clear off your bed even though you haven’t put a single piece of clothing in your bag. Mostly because you still can’t decide which bag to bring.

Get under the covers and finish your blog post.

Decide a three hour nap is worth your while and embrace the eminent shift to “throw random shit into a less than practical bag” mode tomorrow. Because you never learn.


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